What follows is a genuine exchange, preserved as it happened—only minor typos corrected. Brief, trauma-aware reflections after each section have been added to help you notice subtle dynamics: when reassurance becomes control, when spirituality masks avoidance, when projection blurs truth, and where self-differentiation breaks through. Read slowly, and listen to your own body as you go.
Opening Exchange
Robert:
I’m sorry for everything and I feel sad. I just wish you believed in me instead of doubting me all the time. It’s such a lonely place. I’m sorry for saying mean things yesterday out of frustration and anger.
Behavioral Note: This begins with what looks like remorse, but the underlying message centers on *being misunderstood* rather than taking full responsibility. The emotional tone shifts quickly into self-victimization — a subtle deflection from the harm done.
Robert:
But you don’t believe me.
Behavioral Note: The repeated plea for belief shifts pressure back onto Sarah. This tactic can unconsciously coerce the listener to silence their discomfort in favor of easing the speaker’s emotional distress — a common pattern in emotional confusion cycles.
Sarah:
Maybe you never cheated, but so much evidence points to it. You choose to keep hiding and making things more hidden. Your actions show you’re not ready for a true committed relationship.
Behavioral Note: Sarah leads with uncertainty — not accusation. She is naming patterns of secrecy and inconsistency, which are common signs of relational trauma responses. Her statement is emotionally grounded and rooted in observable behavior, not blame.
Sarah: Naming the Secrecy
Blocking me.
Deleting everything.
Making everything private.
Nah, bruh — if there isn’t betrayal, there’s no need to go to these lengths. Gotta be real about what’s going on.
Behavioral Note: Sarah directly calls out secrecy. Her language is strong, but grounded. She is asking for honesty, not control.
Sarah: Modeling Respect
I haven’t betrayed you. I’m respectful. I can kindly tell someone to back off if needed.
I don’t see myself as flirtatious — I see myself as respectable.
I’m open. I’ve shown you everything you’ve ever asked for to give you peace of mind.
Behavioral Note: Sarah models what transparency and mutual respect look like. She’s not overexplaining — she’s affirming her boundaries.
Robert: Defensive Reversal
Robert: Just stop it. I’m sick of always being someone who is unfaithful in your mind.
Sarah: I expect the same trust — and if it can’t be given, I can’t stay.
Robert: That just shows how unfaithful your own heart is.
Behavioral Note: Textbook defensive reversal and projection. Robert reframes Sarah’s request for mutual trust as evidence of her unfaithfulness, flipping concern into accusation. The “if it can’t be given, I can’t stay” line becomes an ultimatum that pressures compliance rather than building safety—an emotional control move that moralizes her boundary as wrongdoing.
Sarah: Detailing the Pattern
I don’t know how far it goes. I just know great lengths are being taken to hide things.
I see what you block. I see what you search.
These are all reasons to be transparent.
You’ve taken every opposite step — and when I bring it up, I’m just “Miss Snoopy.”
I don’t want to place my feelings in a relationship full of secrecy.
Behavioral Note: This is relational hypervigilance, not paranoia. Sarah’s alertness is a reaction to repeated confusion and gaslighting. She’s trying to ground the conversation in observable facts.
Sarah: Facts, Not Accusations
You made another Messenger account. Blocked me on Facebook. Erased everything.
Still had a few girls in there.
Whatever is going on — I don’t claim to know.
But I can’t live like this.
Behavioral Note: Sarah refuses to speculate, which shows restraint. She chooses to name what’s real and protect her emotional well‑being.
Sarah: Drawing the Line
You are the one doing shady stuff. Constant blame!
Look at the screenshots, bruh.
That is undeniably shady.
The blocking, the erasing, the hiding of notifications — shady. Own it.
If it wasn’t you — if this was someone else — you’d be in a frenzy about how shady it is.
Behavioral Note: Sarah offers a reality check. She asks Robert to imagine his behavior from the outside. This is an invitation to accountability.
Robert: Using Scripture to Redirect
Take out your own plank.
Behavioral Note: Robert uses scripture to imply that Sarah is being judgmental — a reversal of accountability. This form of redirection is classic in spiritualized manipulation.
Sarah: Rejecting Gaslighting
My crazy isn’t your crazy — don’t project that on me.
Facts are facts — whether acknowledged or not.
Behavioral Note: Sarah refuses to be labeled as unstable. She draws a line between her emotions and his projections. This is emotional clarity and self-differentiation under pressure.
Sarah: Reaffirming Transparency
You’ve always been welcome to ride with me for work or anything. I have nothing to hide.
I have no relationships to hide.
Behavioral Note: Again, Sarah invites transparency. She’s modeling trust, not demanding it. This counters the accusation narrative with lived openness.
Robert: Unfounded Accusations
I know you have multiple relationships with multiple men.
Behavioral Note: Baseless accusation meant to discredit and confuse. This is textbook projection — destabilizing the clarity Sarah is fighting for.
Robert: Quoting 1 Corinthians 13
Love is patient, kind, not jealous… keeps no record of wrongs.
Behavioral Note: While this scripture is beautiful, quoting it in the middle of conflict reframes Sarah’s concerns as unloving. This is a classic example of spiritual bypassing — using godly language to avoid accountability.
Sarah: Concluding with Facts
Betrayal has happened — and the level of secrecy you’re choosing speaks volumes.
Behavioral Note: Sarah draws a clear conclusion from behavior, not emotion. She affirms her right to name what she’s experiencing and refuses to gaslight herself.
Sarah: Echoing Her Hope
God sent you an angel — someone gracious who’s been around a lot.
I’ve watched counseling, family ups and downs. I understand what’s loving and Godly.
Like Leslie told us, I’m kinda the perfect person for this kind of thing.
Behavioral Note: While this might sound like a rescuing posture, it’s actually a layered reflection. Sarah references past counseling, her attachment history, and a lyric Robert once wrote about Sarah, the meaning of her name “gracious.” This is the voice of someone who once believed her empathy could save the relationship — a common pattern in trauma-informed dynamics.
Sarah: Encouraging Spiritual Growth
Maybe you’re supposed to trust the process the Lord has for you.
It’s not always easy, but once the pruning begins, it gets easier.
Behavioral Note: Sarah ends with hope, but it’s a complicated kind — the kind that spiritualizes dysfunction to survive it. She offers kindness, but is also letting go.
Robert: Quoting John 9:18–34
Though I was blind, now I see…
Behavioral Note: Robert compares himself to the man healed by Jesus who was doubted by others. It reinforces his “persecuted prophet” identity — subtly implying that Sarah is like the disbelieving crowd. Another example of scripture used to claim spiritual vindication.
Reflections
This dialogue between Sarah and Robert reflects real patterns seen in emotionally confusing and spiritually manipulative relationships. We share this not to expose, but to help others name what they’ve lived through.
If you’ve found yourself wrestling between your gut and someone else’s words — between intuition and spiritual confusion — you’re not alone. Disentangling manipulation from love can be one of the hardest and holiest things you ever do.
Disclaimer: “Names and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.”
TOMFAW.com — Trusting Our Maker Finding A Way.
Further Reading:
- Spiritual Bypassing as a Defense Mechanism – Verywell Mind
- Projection: The Great Threat to Intimate Relationships – Psychology Today
- What Does Projecting in Psychology Mean? – Verywell Health