When a Person uses Scripture to Hurt

A Journey Through Spiritual Confusion and Oppression

There’s a particular kind of disorientation that comes when the language that is meant to give life is used to tear you apart. When someone who speaks the name of Jesus quotes Romans 8 — and somehow, it breaks Sarah instead of building her. When the one who says he has been given the authority from God to cast out demons becomes the very source of spiritual confusion, manipulation, and torment in her life. When the voice that once soothed her fears begins to ring with accusations and control. This is what spiritual abuse does.

And this is part of how it played out in Sarah’s life.

Spiritual Abuse - A testimony to God's grace

When God’s Words Get Twisted

Sarah was in it for five years. Five years of fighting, believing, praying, waiting — hoping the man she loved, Robert, who spoke so passionately about God, would eventually live what he preached. Robert quoted Scripture well, and always spoke about God’s Love. He talked about demons and deliverance like he had special insight. He once called her a gift, a partner, a best friend — an angel sent to open up his eyes — words he even wove into a song he privately shared with her..

Then suddenly — she was a demon. A problem. A liar. A seductress. A thief. Untrustworthy.

Robert tried to cast out a “spirit of seduction” from her. Meanwhile, he was visiting massage establishments, searching for happy endings and prostitutes, hiding chats with other women, and synonymously accusing her of infidelity.

Sarah wasn’t passive. She found the evidence. She caught him at a massage establishment. She saw the search terms, the profiles of the girls he had reached out to. The patterns were always there.

And still, she stayed — not because she was weak, but because the truth was wrapped in what looked like something special. He had a way of showing up with charm and deep words. She wasn’t afraid of walking through hard things; she believed in growth and grace. She knew she had her own areas to work on too. Finally though, she realized how her willingness to return again and again was the biggest problem in the pattern.

What made it even harder was that sometimes, it genuinely seemed like he wanted freedom — like he wanted healing. He said the right things. He prayed. He even sat beside her in counseling. The way he quoted Scripture, the way he spoke about God — it could feel real. Somewhere in the middle of it, she lost sight of where God ended and this man began.

The Hope That Kept Her There

As Sarah began to separate from Robert and gain strength, her soul started shifting and her awareness heightened. She began to realize she was being spiritually attacked. She was able to separate herself from him for longer periods of time before she’d rationalize his story and go back to trying. One night in her kitchen while in the “separation phase,” she saw a black silhouette in the hallway. She laughed at herself, shook it off, told herself she was crazy.

She went back to him.

Months later, after another long separation, it happened again. This time on a pier. A small black silhouette — behind her. But… she was pulled back in by charm and charm’s twin: confusion. Robert would tell her she was all he needed. She was his best friend, he even wrote her a song.

Sometimes he’d offer vague apologies — “I’m sorry for all the ways I hurt you” — but failed to name what those ways actually were. It left her with nothing real to hold on to. And then, the cycle would start again. Eventually, it got beyond what she could handle. She left — what she thought was for good.

But her body and spirit were already carrying the weight. For a week, she could barely breathe when she laid down. She had a pain in her chest that would go down her arm. Then came the panic attack — so intense she truly thought she might be dying. She couldn’t move, couldn’t call for help. All she could do was pray that her son would be okay without her.

A friend had once told her that in moments like this, to hyper-focus on the present. So she did — naming everything around her, counting the patterns on the ceiling, the fan blades, the books on the shelf, anchoring herself to the rhythm of her breath. Slowly, it passed.

That night, as she finally fell asleep, the demonic presence showed up again, this time as a smoky figure. It snarled in her right ear. She yelled at it to leave her alone and woke herself up. Exhausted, she prayed. She fell asleep again.

Looking back, Sarah believes spiritual things can attach themselves to us in these kinds of relationships — especially when Scripture is twisted and intimacy is mixed with confusion. Darkness is a professional when it comes to mimicking The Light.

Sleep Paralysis — and The Light That Saved Her

The next day, Sarah was EXHAUSTED. She had to take a nap, and she instinctively knew she was going to be attacked again.

She laid down, and sure enough — it came.

In her early 20’s, Sarah went through a quick phase experimenting with lucid dreaming. She listened to YouTube videos meant to induce them. But one day while attempting to lucid dream she ended up paralyzed in darkness, subconsciously filled with static that made it feel like her body was in a spasm. She shared the experience with her mom, and her mom said it sounded demonic. She never touched it again and didn’t experience anything like this again.

Until now — this felt the same. But worse, she was familiar with this attacker. She was surrounded by the sound of chainsaws and pitch blackness. Her muscles spasmed. She tried to fight — to punch, to scream. She couldn’t tell if it was a dream or reality. She woke up breathless. The room was silent, the chainsaws and the noise were not really happening. She lay back down. She could feel she had to go back. She was pulled in instantly.

But this time — she didn’t fight. She cried out to Jesus, and in an instant, a giant burst of light blasted through everything. Her attacker was gone. She woke up lighter than she had felt in years. She couldn’t stop thinking about the experience. Jesus came and blasted that thing away!!!

Sarah Wanted to Share It With Him

Sarah was still intermittently in contact with Robert. A part of her wanted to share what had happened — to tell him that Jesus showed up. That He saved her. That the same freedom was possible for him, if he ever wanted it. She was hoping with all she had experienced over the year with him, the seductive demon casting, her son’s dream of saving him, the past times he told her he casted demons from people — she thought he might be open to her experience. After all, she had walked with him through so much. She knew his struggles. She had seen both the depth and the pain in him over the past five years, and she still hoped he might feel accepted enough to choose healing.

But while she was enduring anxiety attacks, barely able to breathe, and fighting spiritual oppression, Robert was out in the world — prophesying over strangers, performing gospel music, sharing stories of how God was using him. He told her all of this with enthusiasm, but never once asked how she was. He didn’t acknowledge what had happened between them, not a word. It was as if none of it had been real — like everything she carried was just her burden to bear.

Still, she tried to share her experience — the encounter with Jesus, the freedom she had found. But he just smiled, and redirected the conversation back to himself — his gifts, his impact, his connection to God. The disconnect was jarring. She had just walked through a spiritual battle, and he looked at her like she was interrupting a celebration.

A few days later, she noticed familiar signs — the kind that once left her questioning. She confronted him. She already knew the patterns, and why she needed to follow the urge to see stuff she knew would be there is her own dysfunction. And again, there it was: More evidence. More women. More secrets. And that was it. She was done. She had made a promise to Jesus. And going back to him wasn’t part of it.

Understand What She Went Through

Spiritual abuse is hard to name because it wears the face of godliness. Chuck DeGroat says:

“Abuse is not just harm — it’s the violation of vulnerability under the guise of care.”

That’s exactly it. Sarah was vulnerable, spiritually open, emotionally raw. Robert offered care — in the form of words, Scripture, visions, dreams — but underneath it was control, rage, deceit, and blame.

He blamed her for everything. For their failure. For the “toxicity.” For not trusting him. For being contentious. For not loving him enough. For not being forgiving. For seeing the signs and believing them.

But Sarah wasn’t imagining things. She found the evidence. She heard the lies. At 3 years old, her son even dreamt there was a beast on Robert’s back, and that he had to save him. That was before she fully understood what was happening — before she knew how deep it went. And yet, even as she got stronger, she felt like she was going crazy.

Calling It What It Is

This was not a “messy breakup.”
This was not just “a relationship with issues.”
This was spiritual abuse.

Robert used the name of Jesus, but he served control, secrecy, and lust.
He quoted Proverbs and 1 Peter, but refused humility and repentance.
He claimed insight, but rejected wisdom.
He shouted about demons while hiding his own.

And Sarah — she confused his God-talk for godliness. She confused Scripture with Spirit.
But the Spirit was never in the shaming. The Spirit was never in the yelling, the degrading words and actions, the condemnation, shame, blame, and judgment. The Spirit is never in fear.

How She’s Healing

Sarah is no longer in it. That’s the first part of healing. But now she is facing the deeper work — untangling God from the abuser. Here’s what healing looks like for her right now:

Naming the abuse
She says it out loud: This was spiritual and emotional abuse.
She refuses to minimize it.
She refuses to spiritualize it.

Letting God speak for Himself
She reads Jesus’s Words — not someone’s interpretation of the Word.
She hears the Shepherd’s voice again — tender, not controlling.
She trusts Jesus more now, because He saved her from the one who used His name.

Remembering who she is
She is not a liar, or seductive, or confused.
She is not crazy.
She is a woman who stayed longer than she should have because she believed in redemption.

Letting go of the fantasy
The fantasy that Robert would change.
The fantasy that love, or prayer, or enough submission would save him.
The fantasy that this was a battle she was meant to fight alone.

Receiving real community
People who see the whole her.
People who don’t use God to control.
People who walk slowly, without judging her journey.

You Are Not Alone

If you’ve been spiritually abused, know this: God is not the abuser. He is not the one yelling at you, shaming you, gaslighting you. He is not the voice saying you deserve it, you’re unworthy, you’re too much. He is the one who says:

“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28

And that’s what Sarah is walking toward now — rest. Real rest. Not forced submission. Not religious performance. Not another deliverance from a man who doesn’t know his own darkness.

Just Jesus.
Just truth.
Just healing.

Postscript

To the ones still in it:
You’re not crazy. You’re not rebellious. You’re not faithless.
You’re waking up. And waking up isn’t easy.

But once you do, you’ll never trade peace for bondage again.And to those who’ve made it out:
We carry each other forward. Gently. No shame. No show.
Just freedom — and the long, slow healing of God’s love made real again.

Read: Discovering the Love was Conditional

TOMFAW – Trusting Our Maker Finding A Way