TOMFAW

Trusting Our Maker, Finding A Way

Sarah's Story

A journey through love bombing, faith, betrayal, emotional whiplash, and healing.

The Conversation of Confusion: Analyzing the Dynamics

August 20, 2025

Sometimes Truth is Stranger Than Fiction


The following is a verbatim excerpt from a personal exchange, presented as it was experienced and understood by the author.

tom faw blog - gaslighting

The words may sound messy, even “crazy” at times. That’s exactly the point. When truth collides with secrecy, denial, and scripture used as a weapon, the result is confusion.

This is what it feels like to try to hold on to reality when someone else twists it.

The Jacket
R: You want these or want me donate them?

S: Toss the underwear. Donate dress. Can give the other girl back the black thing. Never seen it in my life.

Behavioral Note – Sarah: Clearly sets boundaries and states facts. She separates what belongs to her from what does not.

R: Sends another picture of Sarah’s clothes.

S: That’s so cute maybe the owner of the black jacket wants it. Ask her if she wants those too

R: Nice projection …. You are the one with multiple actual real relationships. That’s why you always blame me.

Behavioral Note – Projection: Projection is accusing someone else of what you are actually doing. Here, Robert deflects Sarah’s question about the black jacket by accusing her of “multiple relationships.”

Behavioral Note – Sarah: Responds with humor and factual observation, deflecting escalation. Shows self-control and attempts to de-escalate tension.

S: It’s not mine, could be your mom’s I’m just saying not mine. Maybe if it’s your mom the stuff won’t be her style.

R: You not saying not yours, you blame me of other women always.

S: Only call out what I see what you’re actually doing, where you take idk. No blame it’s all truth.

R: No you don’t you lie and project and blame without apology. That how I feel about all those lies and bull shit and arrows and pestilence fake beliefs toxic blame manipulations.

Behavioral Note – Control Through Confusion (Word Salad): This overwhelming string of accusations (“lies… pestilence… fake beliefs… manipulations”) is word salad. It creates confusion and destabilizes Sarah rather than addressing the issue.

Behavioral Note – Sarah: Attempts to stay factual, clarify ownership, and avoid escalation. She models truth-telling and presence despite being attacked.

S: Verve (brand of jacket) is not mine. This is woman’s clothes soooo??? It’s in your possession with my woman’s stuff but that particular piece is not mine. So why you have another woman’s clothing idk, do I know who no, but I know it’s there, you sent it to me in a picture. No projections it’s hanging in your kitchen right now.

R: I don’t deal with that toxic shit anymore.

Behavioral Note – Gaslighting: By dismissing Sarah’s concern as “toxic,” Robert denies the reality of the evidence (the jacket in the photo). Gaslighting makes Sarah feel as though raising the truth is itself the problem.

Behavioral Note – Sarah: Observes reality and calls it out clearly, maintains factual framing, and does not accept denial as truth.

S: Deflection.

R: Reality.

S: Well you didn’t have to show me that either, talk about toxic.

R: Toxic.

S: It’s mean and hurtful to show me another woman’s clothing.

R: Now you really know how I feel.

S: You’re so mean and hurtful and you love it.

R: Whatever Sarah, you lack of faith in me has nothing to do with me.

Behavioral Note – Victim Blaming: Rather than address her pain, Robert blames Sarah for “lack of faith.” This shifts the problem onto her supposed shortcomings, excusing his actions.

Behavioral Note – Sarah: Reasserts her feelings and experiences of harm, naming emotional impact. She expresses clear boundaries.

S: You know exactly what you are doing.

S: You’re done so leave me alone please you’re mean and hurtful to me.

R: Nice projection … you the one abandon, runs away, not respond, not love, hate, fake lies believer, fake, fake, fake, fake, never wrong, fake fake fake fake, believer of lies!!!

Behavioral Note – Control Through Confusion / Verbal Assault: The repetition of “fake” and barrage of accusations is another example of control through confusion. It keeps Sarah off-balance and on the defensive.

Behavioral Note – Sarah: Maintains boundaries despite verbal assault; does not escalate. Stays grounded in her request for space.

“Fake Reality” and the Demon of Confusion
R: I don’t have time for fake shit anymore; have fun with your fake thoughts and beliefs Sarah.

R: I don’t want anything to do with fake reality of lies and deceptions and fake thoughts about fake shit it’s all a huge deception.

R: I am a loving kind patient human. I don’t have to prove my self worth to anyone; especially you. I’m glad we are not together anymore (that was your choice). I deserve peace and steadfast love with full confidence. Not chaos with blame of shit you are doing so you can feel better about your own sinful nature and failures. Sorry it hasn’t worked out between us, I know the Lord has a great plan in store for both of us, so take your lies and fake beliefs about me somewhere else; I’m sure your friends love hearing all your lies and I’m sure you love telling them, pagan, tax collector, wolf in sheep’s clothing.

R: Rejoice and be glad!!! Great is your reward!!!

Behavioral Note – Love-Bombing / Spiritual Superiority: Robert calls himself “a loving kind patient human” and invokes God’s plan, while simultaneously dismissing Sarah’s reality and condemning her. This mixture of self-praise and religious superiority is manipulative — appearing righteous while shaming her.

Behavioral Note – Sarah: Calls out the confusion and oppression she experiences, centers her observations in spiritual truth, and continues naming the reality instead of deflecting or internalizing blame.

S: The demon of confusion wins again. It makes you believe in your heart I stole from you. Made you go to a massage parlor after we were together the first time. You yell at me over sprinklers, roast beef, cheese, outside garbage cans, ice falling from fridge, Allen keys, makes you not trust me, makes you do all your weird dark secret stuff. Makes me run away.

S: God want all this brought to the light. This is an opportunity to face the demons, blast it away with the powerful light of the Lord’s sword.

R: No sorry no demon has possession over the Lord Jesus Christ who lives and reigns in all who truly believe.

S: Denial like that is a key ingredient for reflection time. We all have accept Robert!! lol yea you’re so special.

R: Wrong again; I’m not special; the Lord does not show partiality/favoritism, everything and anything that is good in me is Jesus Christ the Lord. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. I’m not confused.

S: I only speak truth of what I’ve seen. If you don’t hear the Lord speaking through me and you’re denying it, run from me — run away, run away from this “toxic,” “contentious,” “runaway.”
S: Never contact me again. When you see me, act like you don’t.

R: I don’t want to talk with you anymore, too much unequal yoke.

S: There is a purpose to all this and if you’re not ready for it, run away.

R: You have no power over my will.

S: The demon of confusion does.

R: You are free to continue to ignore me and walk away when you see me.

S: I’m calling him out again right now. If you don’t wanna hear me, call him out. Don’t reach out to me. Don’t contact me. I don’t want any of my old shit. I want nothing to do with you.

R: I worship the Lord.

Behavioral Note – Spiritual Bypass: Rather than address Sarah’s specific concerns, Robert cuts the discussion short with “I worship the Lord.” This is a spiritual bypass — using faith language to avoid accountability and shut down dialogue.

Behavioral Note – Sarah: Reasserts boundaries clearly, refuses engagement in manipulative or dismissive language, and protects her own emotional space.

(The conversation continues exactly as written, with all behavioral notes and reflections intact.)

Closing Reflection
“A woman standing in a sunlit field, eyes closed, surrounded by peace and stillness.”

Reading this conversation is not easy. The words feel jagged, fragmented, and raw. They reveal what happens when intimacy collides with denial, when scripture becomes a shield rather than a balm, and when blame eclipses responsibility. It’s messy, confusing, and often leaves the one on the receiving end questioning their own sense of reality.

If you’ve ever found yourself in something like this, you may feel both disoriented and deeply weary. You may wonder if you were “too sensitive,” or if you should have “had more faith.”

But notice how, in these exchanges, one voice seeks honesty, transparency, and light, while the other hides behind accusations, spiritual superiority, or dismissal. This is not a simple difference of opinion. This is the erosion of trust through manipulation, projection, and spiritual misuse.

And yet — your body knows the truth. The ache in your chest when someone dismisses you, the knot in your stomach when your concerns are called “toxic,” the quiet grief of being unseen: all of these are signals. They’re reminders that you deserve relationships marked by mutuality, kindness, and safety.

As you sit with these words, allow yourself to breathe. Let compassion meet the parts of you that still feel small, confused, or guilty. Remember that healing doesn’t come through someone else’s validation or condemnation, but through reclaiming your own voice. You are not crazy. You are not too much. You are worthy of being seen, heard, and cherished.

And sometimes the bravest step we can take is simply to name what has been hidden and trust that, in time, the light will do its work.

If you’d like to be notified when new reflections are shared, you’re welcome to leave your email here.

Subscription Form

T.O.M. F.A.W. – Trusting Our Maker Finding A Way

Back to TOMFAW Blog
Read: When Someone Uses Scripture to Hurt
Join the TOMFAW forum

1. Gaslighting

2. DARVO

3. Projection

4. Spiritual Bypassing

5. Weaponized Scripture / Spiritual Abuse

6. Emotional Abuse in Relationships

Disclaimer: “Names and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.”