A Gift or A Chain
Sarah remembers the early days of her relationship with Robert as open and safe. Their conversations felt honest and vulnerable — the kind where weaknesses could be shared without fear. She believed that this rare openness could be the foundation they would build on.
But the relationship began to shift. The slow climb turned into a roller coaster that never stopped until one of them finally said, enough is enough.
One day, Robert sent a message that stopped her in her tracks:
“It’s okay, Sarah. I don’t know why you did it, but I forgive you.”
Sarah had no idea what he meant. The day before, they had shared an amazing day together. While she was reminiscing about that, Robert was believing she was a thief.
When she pressed for clarity, he finally told her he believed she had stolen from him — more than once — a few hundred dollars from a spare money bucket in his home. He said he didn’t know why she would do it, but maybe, he suggested, it was because she was a desperate single mother. Later, he would deny saying that altogether, but Sarah couldn’t forget the words. They cut deep.
From her perspective, the accusation came out of nowhere. She had seen Robert lose his wallet multiple times, calling credit card companies to replace cards — sometimes on days she wasn’t even with him. The claim didn’t match reality. Still, in his mind, the verdict seemed already decided. To Sarah, it felt like an excuse — a reason to spend time with a woman he had been talking to before they met. He even told her he did so because she “wasn’t able to be honest” about stealing and “wasn’t serious about the relationship.”
Sarah brought the incidents up here and there, especially when fresh judgment or condemnation was projected onto her. She wanted clarity. She wanted to be believed. But even after many counseling sessions focused on this very topic, he refused to reconsider.
After years on the roller coaster, Sarah grew more and more tired and less willing to accept the unacceptable.
Over the smallest things, Robert would belittle her. One example came when she opened a new pack of cheese, unaware that three slices of three-month-old cheese were sitting in the back of the fridge. For something like this — and there were many such examples — he claimed she didn’t deserve love, comfort, or safety. In his view, it meant she didn’t respect his belongings and didn’t care about the money he spent.
It was the kind of overreaction that shifts a mistake from the ordinary into a moral failure — reframing a simple oversight as proof of unworthiness. Over time, this pattern chips away at a person’s sense of self, creating an environment where love feels conditional and safety depends on perfect performance.
Even so, Robert and Sarah tried to work things out. But when it became clear that the very behaviors Robert claimed to hate were still happening — without remorse or accountability — Sarah finally walked away. She broke it off, stopped responding to most messages, and she became thankful when Robert moved and the random run-ins around town eventually ceasedFor a long while, Robert kept reaching out.
His texts were sweet and kind, while also lamenting how little Sarah was willing to work things out — something he said he wanted. He even attempted to send Sarah money. This hurt her. She didn’t understand the motive but sensed it wasn’t genuine or from a kind place. From Sarah’s point of view, the transfers felt more like a reminder of the imbalance — a subtle form of control. She returned the money every time, feeling it was less a kind gesture and more a symbol of power, carrying the unspoken message:
I have more. I am blessed. I can give to you — even to the one I believe wronged me.
Public Persona vs. Private Reality
Sarah observed two different sides to Robert. Publicly, he was known for being optimistic, happy, and Godly. He lived a “cool” life and had retired early, giving him freedom to do whatever he pleased. She believed that life without order is chaos — too much of anything becomes unbalanced and can lead to the ultimate test from God. Publicly, Robert was warm and generous, seeming to listen intently. He spoke as though he were grounded, mature, and sound in his faith. He was socially admired.
Privately, Sarah’s experience included moments of criticism, walking on eggshells, incidents she believed showed infidelity, and patterns that didn’t align with the image he presented. She recalled times he would warmly engage with others while simultaneously giving her a look of silent disapproval that cut through the moment.
Once they were over, Robert began to travel the world again, spending time in places that exude God’s beauty. He surfed world-class breaks and shared the word of God with those willing to listen. But just as Jesus warns, outward charm, generosity, and religious talk do not always match the truth of a person’s heart.
From Sarah’s perspective, this kind of lifestyle can function as a stage for the curated self — the part of a person that thrives on admiration and carefully controls what others see. In unfamiliar settings far from home, it becomes easier to reinvent the story, to sidestep uncomfortable truths, and to avoid the kind of accountability that close relationships naturally bring. The charm remains intact, the generosity is on display, and the spiritual talk flows freely — yet the deeper self, with its wounds and contradictions, can stay hidden. For those on the inside of such a life, this dissonance between the public image and private reality creates a slow erosion of trust, leaving the truth obscured behind a polished facade.
Read more: Discovering the Love is ConditionalThe Hard Truths Behind the Mask of Success
Sarah admits it was painful to watch Robert’s life flourish while hers grew more challenging after their split. Sarah got into a car accident and almost lost the small business she created to the flooding of the hurricanes. The ache wasn’t just about lost love or broken trust — it was the unsettling reality that someone who had caused so much harm could appear to prosper.
She found herself wrestling with the ancient questions voiced in Psalm 73: “Why do the wicked prosper? Why do all the evildoers flourish?” This isn’t just a question of circumstance; it cuts to the heart of faith and justice. Sarah’s pain echoed the psalmist’s struggle — a disorienting tension between what seems visible and what is true in God’s eyes.
The Bible is clear that wealth, comfort, and outward success are never reliable signs of God’s favor. They do not guarantee a pure heart or a life aligned with God’s justice. Rather, God’s patience toward hidden sin is a space — painful though it may be — that offers opportunity for repentance and transformation.
From Sarah’s perspective, this was a season of profound wrestling. She had to confront the tension between human brokenness and divine justice, between appearances and reality. The flourishing life Robert displayed was, in many ways, a mask — a carefully maintained exterior that hid deeper wounds and ongoing brokenness.
In that tension, Sarah began to understand that her own healing would not come from seeing Robert falter, but from reclaiming her story, finding freedom beyond the shadow of his facade, and trusting in a God whose justice is ultimately sure, even when human eyes cannot see it clearly.
T.O.M. F.A.W. – Trusting Our Maker Finding the Way
- Psalm 73 – about wrestling with why the wicked prosper:
- Psalm 73 (NIV) on Bible Gateway
- Proverbs 3:5–6 – about trusting God and not relying on our own understanding:
- Proverbs 3:5–6 (NIV) on Bible Gateway
- Matthew 7:16 – about recognizing people by their fruit (integrity of heart, not outward appearances):
- Matthew 7:16 (NIV) on Bible Gateway