TOMFAW

Trusting Our Maker, Finding A Way

Sarah's Story

A journey through love bombing, faith, betrayal, emotional whiplash, and healing.

Healing Doesn’t Mean Forgetting: How to Carry Pain Without Letting It Define You

She thought healing would mean forgetting. That one morning she’d wake up and the memories wouldn’t sting anymore. But years later, a song on the radio or a casual word from a friend still sent her heart racing.

At first, she believed this meant she was broken beyond repair. “If I were really healed, this wouldn’t bother me anymore,” she told herself. But slowly, through prayer, therapy, and the quiet presence of God, she began to see things differently.

Healing wasn’t about erasing her past. It was about learning how to carry it without being crushed by it.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3

When she read that verse again, she noticed what it didn’t say. It didn’t promise that God would erase the memory. It promised He would bind the wound. The scar would remain, but it would no longer bleed.

Her journals began to shift. Instead of asking “Why me?” she started asking, “What is God showing me about myself through this?” Instead of blaming herself for remembering, she began to honor the survival those memories represented.

Healing for her looked less like forgetting and more like learning to breathe again. The wound remained part of her story — but it was no longer the definition of her life.

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Unlearning the False God: Healing from False Beliefs About God

The ache beneath our theology

Most survivors of spiritual harm don’t just leave a church; they leave with a picture of God they can’t love. Fear-based religion paints Him as exacting, easily disappointed, and quick to withdraw. This reflection is about healing from false beliefs about God—not by throwing faith away, but by letting the real Jesus reintroduce us to the Father’s heart.

We don’t heal by winning arguments. We heal by meeting a Person.


How false images of God are formed

We learn God the way we learn language—through the people who first spoke Him to us.

  • If love was withheld unless we “performed,” we imagine God is pleased only when we do it right.
  • If leaders used Scripture to shut us down, we fear questions offend Him.
  • If authority confused control with care, we brace for God’s power to harm, not to heal.

These images feel “biblical” because we were taught them with verses. But verses can be wielded like weapons when they’re pulled from a story where God’s face is mercy.

“Anyone who has seen Me has seen the Father.” — John 14:9

If Jesus reveals the Father, then anything about God that does not resemble Jesus is a false image asking to be unlearned.


The symptoms of a borrowed god

You might be living under a false image if you notice:

  1. Hypervigilance: constant fear you’ll disappoint God.
  2. Spiritual perfectionism: repentance without rest.
  3. Disembodied faith: your emotions are “flesh,” so you push them down.
  4. Transactional prayer: perform to be heard, promise to be loved.
  5. Aversion to weakness: you hide need, then call it maturity.

None of this is holiness. It’s exhaustion dressed up as devotion.


A gentle detox from fear

Detoxing from a false god is like tapering from a medication that stopped helping—you do it slowly, kindly, with guidance.

Try this three-part rhythm for 30 days:

  • Notice: “What fear about God shows up in me today?” Write one sentence.
  • Name: “What story taught me this?” (A sermon? A parent? A wound?)
  • Nearness: Sit with Matthew 11:28–30. Out loud, swap the lie for Jesus’ voice: “Come to Me… I am gentle and lowly in heart… you will find rest.”

Gentleness is not God’s PR tactic. It’s His nature.


Healing from false beliefs about God (yes, say it aloud)

H2: Practices for healing from false beliefs about God

To move from fear to friendship with God:

  1. Re-anchor God’s character in Jesus.
    Read the Gospels slowly. Notice who Jesus moves toward: the tired, the tangled, the honest. Let this reset your instincts about the Father.
  2. Pray with your body.
    Open your hands when you confess. Place a hand on your heart when you lament. Embodied prayer tells your nervous system, “I am safe with God.”
  3. Trade scripts.
    • Lie: “God is disappointed in me.”
      Truth: “There is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).
    • Lie: “Questions mean doubt.”
      Truth: “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24).
    • Lie: “Suffering proves God is absent.”
      Truth: “I am with you always” (Matthew 28:20).
  4. Confess without groveling.
    Confession is not self-hatred; it’s unclenching. Speak plainly. Receive joyfully.
  5. Let trusted people reflect Jesus to you.
    Safe community becomes scaffolding while your inner picture of God is rebuilt.

Unlearning the god of control

The god of control offers certainty at the price of intimacy. He reduces faith to rule-keeping and treats people as problems to manage. If you’ve been discipled by him, you’ll notice an inner flinch around grace—it feels unsafe.

But the living God is not controlling; He is self-giving. He dignifies human agency. He knocks; He doesn’t kick the door in. Love, by definition, makes space.

“You did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but the Spirit of adoption…” — Romans 8:15

Adoption language heals control language. You don’t manage a Father. You belong to Him.


Relearning the God of Jesus

What does God actually sound like?

  • Gentle: He does not crush bruised reeds (Isaiah 42:3).
  • Truthful: He names reality without shaming (John 4).
  • Near: He eats with sinners before they change (Luke 19).
  • Pure: His power arrives as service, not spectacle (John 13).

The longer you sit with Jesus, the more allergic you become to spiritual theatrics. The more you rest with Him, the less you need to perform for Him.


Repairing the nervous system of faith

Spiritual abuse isn’t just theological; it’s physiological. Your body learned to brace in religious spaces. Part of unlearning is helping your nervous system experience God as safe.

  • Breath prayer (inhale/exhale): “Abba… I am here.”
  • Timed consent: 10 minutes of quiet presence—no agenda.
  • Compassionate self-talk: “Of course this is hard. And I am not alone.”

Trauma taught your body to expect abandonment. Presence, repeated gently, teaches it to expect Emmanuel.


What to do with anger at religion

Don’t rush it away. Anger is a loyal friend pointing to what mattered. Let it speak, then shepherd it into lament:

“How long, O Lord?”
“You saw. You see. Heal.”

Lament keeps the relationship alive. It’s how wounded people tell the truth to God, not just about God.


A liturgy for relearning

Pray this for a week:

Jesus, show me the Father again.
Where fear trained my heart, retrain me in love.
Where I controlled, teach me trust.
Where I performed, teach me presence.
Heal my picture of You until rest becomes my first reflex.
Amen.


Closing reflection

You are not deconstructing God; you are discarding counterfeits. The God you’re afraid to trust was never the One who called you. The real God came low, carried your shame, and invites you to peace. Unlearning isn’t betrayal—it’s baptism. You’re coming up for air.

And as your picture of God heals, your relationships will soften too. Control loosens. Curiosity grows. Gentleness returns. Because people who know they’re loved don’t need to win—they’re free to love.

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Allender Center — Rewriting Harmful God-Images

Desiring God — Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers

Christianity Today — Recovering from Toxic Church Cultures

Emotionally Destructive Relationship Patterns

The dynamic between Sarah and Robert was not defined by a single conflict or misunderstanding. It was shaped over time by patterns—patterns of perception, accusation, withdrawal, and return.

Robert consistently understood himself as different from others. More capable. More insightful. More aware. He saw himself as someone ahead of the curve—setting standards rather than adapting to them. This sense of exceptionality became central to how he interpreted both himself and the relationship.

Sarah did not openly contest this posture. Instead, she learned—slowly—that her voice did not carry equal weight.

A Relationship of Interpretation, Not Curiosity

When Sarah spoke, her words were rarely met with openness. Instead of curiosity, she encountered evaluation. Instead of dialogue, judgment. Her actions were frequently assigned meaning she did not recognize in herself. Neutral behavior was interpreted as intentional. Ordinary independence was recast as provocation or pride.

Over time, Sarah realized she was no longer being listened to—she was being interpreted.

False attributions accumulated. Her motives were questioned. Her character was scrutinized. Innocence required defense, and defense was treated as evidence of guilt.

This was not accountability.
It was destabilization.

Withdrawal as a Response to Being Overwritten

Each time Sarah attempted to clarify and was met with accusation rather than understanding, she pulled back. Not in anger. Not to punish. But because remaining engaged required her to accept a version of herself that was not true.

Her distancing was not abandonment.
It was self-preservation.

Silence was not chosen to control—it emerged when speaking no longer felt safe or effective. Distance became the only place where her reality could remain intact.

Yet this withdrawal was repeatedly misnamed.

How Self-Protection Was Reframed as Sin

Rather than recognizing Sarah’s distance as a response to false attribution, Robert reframed it as moral failure. Her need for space was described as running away, ignoring, being unforgiving, or withholding connection.

The pattern was consistent: her response was judged, while the behavior that provoked it remained unexamined.

In this system, impact was dismissed and intent was assigned.

Charm Without Change

What often followed Sarah’s withdrawal was not repair, but charm—politeness, warmth, attentiveness. Enough softness to draw her back in, without accountability or lasting change.

The cycle repeated:

  1. Connection
  2. Misattribution
  3. Withdrawal
  4. Accusation
  5. Charm
  6. Return

Hope was reignited without resolution. The pattern reset without repentance.

Moral Authority Without Humility

Robert frequently positioned himself as the arbiter of what was proper, respectful, or acceptable. Standards shifted without notice and were enforced without grace. Correction was constant. Compassion was conditional.

When Sarah disagreed or defended herself, this was framed as pride or an inability to admit wrongdoing. In this relational system, humility meant agreement.

Disagreement meant guilt.

The Spiritual Framing of Control

Spiritual language often reinforced the imbalance. Scripture was invoked to correct rather than comfort. Forgiveness was demanded without repair. Grace was emphasized—but only in one direction.

Sarah was expected to absorb accusation while extending mercy, yet received little compassion in return

“Love is not abusive. When abuse enters a relationship, love leaves.”
Leslie Vernick, The Emotionally Destructive Relationship

Abuse is not defined by intention or struggle—but by pattern and impact.

When Discernment Replaces Hope

Sarah’s clarity did not arrive through confrontation, but through observation. Each return was followed by the same pattern. Each distance was mischaracterized.

She was not running away.
She was responding normally to a system that continually rewrote her reality.

God does not silence His children.
He does not accuse them into submission.
And He does not require endurance when it costs truth, dignity, or voice.

Sometimes distance is not abandonment.
It is discernment.

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Before Sarah Had Words for It

This post includes reflections on a child’s dream and themes of spiritual discernment.

There are moments that don’t make sense when they happen.
They only make sense later — once you’ve survived long enough to look back.

This was one of those moments in Sarah’s story.

They had been staying with Robert briefly after a COVID exposure. A precaution. A disruption. Nothing dramatic. Life felt suspended in that strange in-between space the early pandemic created — cautious, uncertain, watchful.

That morning, Sarah’s son woke before she did. He was three.

He didn’t come to her frightened.
He didn’t cry.
He didn’t ask questions.

He climbed onto the bed beside her and spoke calmly, the way children do when they’re simply reporting something that feels true to them.

“There was a beast scratching at his back from between the sheets,” he said.
“And I saved him.”

That was all.

No fear.
No urgency.
No emotion attached to it at all.

Just a statement — finished and complete.

Sarah waited for more. For a punchline. For signs of distress. But there were none. Her son slid off the bed and went on with his day, as if he had just told her what he dreamed about trucks or dinosaurs.

She did what many adults do when a child says something that doesn’t fit neatly into reason or comfort. She noticed it. And then she set it aside.

Not because she didn’t care — but because she didn’t yet have language for it.


A Child’s Dream Sarah Couldn’t Explain Yet

Sarah didn’t rush to interpret the dream. She didn’t correct him. She didn’t spiritualize it or dismiss it.

She simply remembered how he said it.

He hadn’t accused Robert.
He hadn’t dramatized the image.
He hadn’t asked for reassurance.

He had spoken as if he were describing something factual — and then moved on.

At the time, it felt easier to store the moment away than to try to name it. There were no categories for it yet. No framework. No urgency.

Just a quiet image that lingered.


What Psychology Says About Children and Discernment

Developmental psychology tells us that very young children don’t typically invent symbolic moral narratives. They don’t usually place themselves in the role of protector, nor do they describe threats directed at others — especially without fear.

But psychology also tells us something else.

Children are remarkably sensitive to emotional and relational environments. Long before they can articulate danger, they sense it. They absorb tension. They register imbalance. And because they don’t yet have adult logic or social filters, they express what they sense through imagery.

They speak in pictures.

Not because they understand more — but because they censor less.

Sarah’s son didn’t diagnose anything. He didn’t accuse anyone. He didn’t explain the dream or try to make meaning out of it.

He simply described an image and his place in it.

A beast.
A back.
And the certainty that something needed to stop.


What Scripture Says About Early Knowing

Scripture has always made room for this kind of knowing.

Not the kind that shouts.
Not the kind that performs.
But the kind that surfaces quietly, before understanding arrives.

The Bible suggests that wisdom sometimes comes before explanation. That truth can precede interpretation. That discernment can arrive gently — especially through those who have not yet learned to ignore it.

This doesn’t make children prophets.
It makes them perceptive.

Sarah didn’t rebuke anything unseen. She didn’t assign meaning where none had yet formed. She didn’t turn the moment into a warning or a sign.

She simply held it — without knowing why.

Years later — when confusion deepened, when Scripture began to feel less like refuge and more like pressure, when her own body would begin responding to what her mind had tried to reason through — that memory returned.

Not as proof.
Not as prophecy.
But as context.

The dream hadn’t been dramatic.

It had been early.

And sometimes discernment arrives that way — quietly, without explanation — waiting for the day we are ready to understand it.

“Out of the mouths of children and infants you have established strength.”
Psalm 8:2

At the time, Sarah didn’t know what her son had seen or why it stayed with her.
She only knew how he said it.

Years later, she would learn what happens when discernment is slowly rewritten — not through dreams, but through accusation — and how easily the name of God can be used to turn caution into guilt.

That story came next.

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Continue Reading Sarah’s Story

Resources:

How the body responds to unprocessed stress and threat

Link:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/trauma/body-keeps-the-score

Biblical discernment and spiritual humility

Link:
https://bibleproject.com/explore/video/discernment/

How the body responds to unprocessed stress and threat

Link:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/trauma/body-keeps-the-score

Recognizing Spiritual Attack in Your Quiet Moments


Introduction: The Battle You Can’t Always See

Not every storm is loud.
Some of the fiercest battles happen in silence — when you’re alone, reflective, and searching for peace.
It’s in these moments that spiritual attack can slip in unnoticed, disguised as ordinary fatigue, anxiety, or self-doubt.

But the good news? God never leaves you defenseless. He teaches you how to recognize and overcome the battle before it overtakes your peace.


1. Spiritual Attack Often Feels Like Sudden Heaviness

You wake up heavy and can’t explain why.
The air feels thick. Motivation disappears.
That’s not always depression or exhaustion — sometimes, it’s spiritual opposition trying to steal your joy.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” — John 10:10

Ask yourself: What changed? Often the moment you begin moving closer to truth, resistance appears.

(GotQuestions – What Is a Spiritual Attack?)


2. Confusion and Doubt Replace Clarity

When your thoughts feel foggy and faith feels weak, remember: God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33).
The enemy uses distraction and mental chaos to make you question what you already know to be true.
Quiet your mind, anchor in Scripture, and let His Word re-center your spirit.

(Desiring God – Clarity in Spiritual Warfare)


3. Isolation Becomes Tempting

During attack, you might feel like pulling away — even from those who bring light.
That’s not coincidence. The enemy thrives in secrecy and solitude.
Reach out, even when it feels hard. Text a friend, read truth, or pray aloud. Light breaks the darkness faster when shared.

(“Healing Through Storytelling | TOMFAW”)


4. Prayer Feels Distant, but It’s Working

You may pray and feel nothing — no peace, no warmth, no response.
That silence can feel unbearable. But silence does not mean absence.
Spiritual warfare often intensifies right before breakthrough. Keep praying, even if all you can say is, “Lord, help.”
He hears the whispers too.

(Outbound link suggestion: Crosswalk – How to Pray When You Feel Spiritually Attacked)


5. You Sense God Calling You to Stillness, Not Striving

When the battle feels endless, the solution isn’t to push harder — it’s to surrender deeper.
God’s strategy often begins with rest, not resistance.
Sometimes He wins battles you never even have to fight.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” — Exodus 14:14

(Outbound link suggestion: BibleStudyTools – Scriptures for Spiritual Protection)


Reflection: Finding Strength in Stillness

Recognizing a spiritual attack isn’t about fear — it’s about awareness.
When your peace feels under siege, step back into God’s presence.
Turn down the noise, pick up your Bible, and remember: even quiet battles are already won in His name.

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When Stories Heal: Reflections from Readers of TOMFAW


Introduction: The Courage to Be Seen

There’s something sacred about a story told from the heart.
When you read someone else’s words and see your own pain reflected back, healing begins to multiply.
That’s what TOMFAW — Trusting Our Maker, Finding A Way — is about.
It’s not just one story. It’s a gathering of many.
Each one a testament that light always finds a way through the cracks.


1. “Your Story Helped Me Find Mine”

When one reader shared her story about walking through spiritual confusion, another wrote back:

“For the first time in years, I didn’t feel crazy. I realized I wasn’t alone in what I went through.”

That’s what storytelling does — it restores connection where isolation once lived.
When one voice rises in truth, others find the courage to do the same.

(Psychology Today – How Storytelling Connects Us)


2. Stories Create Safe Space for Healing

Every shared experience helps someone else breathe easier.
When a story moves from silence to light, shame loses power.
That’s why TOMFAW invites honest voices — not polished perfection.
Healing happens through shared humanity.

(Crosswalk – Sharing Your Testimony with Grace)


3. When God Redeems the Details

Many stories shared here carry moments of heartbreak — abuse, betrayal, confusion.
But when you look closely, you also see divine fingerprints in the aftermath.
God doesn’t waste pain.
He uses it to write something redemptive, not just for the storyteller, but for the reader too.

“He will give you beauty for ashes.” — Isaiah 61:3

(“Healing Through Storytelling | TOMFAW”)


4. Every Testimony is an Invitation

When you share your story, you’re not seeking attention — you’re extending grace.
Someone, somewhere, needs your words to realize they’re not beyond hope.
Testimonies are living proof that God’s love meets us where we are, even in the dark corners.

( Desiring God – The Power of Testimony)


5. Your Turn: Tell Yours

Maybe your story is still being written.
Maybe it feels too raw to share.
That’s okay.
Healing doesn’t require you to be finished — only willing.
If you’re ready to take a step toward sharing, you can submit your reflection below.

(“Write Your Story | TOMFAW”)


Reflection: The Light That Multiplies

When one story heals, another begins.
And in that exchange — that sacred passing of truth — hope multiplies.
That’s the heart of TOMFAW.
Not just a website, but a table where stories meet, faith strengthens, and healing becomes shared light.

(Medium – Stories of Healing and Faith)

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Christian Gaslighting: When Faith Is Used to Manipulate

Person holding a lantern in a forest at dusk, symbolizing clarity and light after Christian gaslighting


Introduction: When Spiritual Words Cause Emotional Confusion

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that makes you doubt your own memory, perception, and sanity.
But in faith-based settings, it can become even more damaging — because the abuser uses Scripture or “spiritual authority” to make you question your discernment, your faith, and even your relationship with God.

When this happens, it’s not holy correction — it’s Christian gaslighting.


1. “You’re Being Too Sensitive” — The Disguise of False Peace

Christian gaslighting often begins with subtle invalidation.
If you express hurt, you’re told to “just forgive” or “stop being offended.”
But peace built on silence isn’t real peace. Jesus Himself confronted injustice, deception, and hypocrisy — lovingly, but directly.

“Blessed are the peacemakers” does not mean “stay quiet so no one gets uncomfortable.”

(Desiring God – Speaking Truth in Love)


2. “God Told Me To…” — Manipulating Through Spiritual Authority

When someone uses “God told me” to control, guilt, or dictate your choices, they’re elevating their will above God’s.
This form of manipulation replaces the Holy Spirit’s voice with human ego.
True guidance aligns with peace, humility, and freedom — not pressure or fear.

(Outbound link suggestion: Crosswalk – Recognizing Spiritual Manipulation)


3. “The Bible Says You Must Submit” — Scripture Used as a Weapon

This is one of the most common forms of Christian gaslighting.
When verses about submission or obedience are quoted out of context to demand silence or control, the abuser twists holy words into tools of domination.
Jesus never silenced the hurting — He lifted them.
The Bible was written to set captives free, not to keep them bound.

“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” — 2 Corinthians 3:17

(“The Demon of Confusion: A Real Conversation”)


4. “You’re Not Being Christlike Enough” — Shaming Disobedience

Abusers often redefine “Christlike” to mean submissive, unquestioning, and endlessly forgiving — while excusing their own lack of repentance.
But Christlike love has boundaries.
Even Jesus walked away from manipulation and hypocrisy.

(GotQuestions – What Does It Mean to Be Christlike?)


5. “I’m the Spiritual Leader Here” — Control Masquerading as Covering

Gaslighting thrives in imbalanced power structures.
If someone demands authority but refuses accountability, it’s not leadership — it’s control.
Healthy spiritual covering empowers, protects, and uplifts.
Toxic control isolates and confuses.
Remember: God does not need middlemen to speak to you.

(BibleStudyTools – God’s Voice and Discernment)


Reflection: The Difference Between Conviction and Control

Conviction draws you closer to God.
Control drives you further into fear.
If you’re constantly questioning your worth, your sanity, or your standing with God — pause.
The Holy Spirit comforts, not confuses.
Truth never needs manipulation to be believed.

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What the Bible Says When Your Relationship Feels Spiritually Draining

When your relationship feels spiritually exhausting, Scripture offers clarity and peace. Learn what the Bible says about recognizing spiritual attack and protecting your faith.


Introduction: When Love Starts Feeling Heavy

Not every difficult season in a relationship means it’s under attack — but sometimes, the heaviness has a spiritual weight to it.
It’s more than exhaustion or misunderstanding. It feels like your spirit is being drained.
If that sounds familiar, the Bible gives insight into what may be happening — and how to respond without losing your peace or identity in the process.


1. The Enemy Seeks to Divide, Not Heal

“For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.” — James 3:16

When relationships shift from harmony to hostility, it’s rarely random.
Division and confusion are the enemy’s favorite tools.
The moment unity breaks, peace follows.
Ask God to reveal whether this conflict is meant to refine you — or warn you.

(GotQuestions – Recognizing Spiritual Warfare)


2. God’s Presence Brings Peace, Not Fear

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” — 1 John 4:18

If you find yourself anxious, fearful, or constantly second-guessing your worth, that’s not God’s voice speaking.
His Spirit brings calm assurance, not panic or confusion.
Spiritual attack often imitates conviction — but it leaves you powerless instead of peaceful.

(Desiring God – Discerning the Enemy’s Lies)


3. When Scripture Is Used to Control, Step Back

When verses become weapons rather than comfort, it’s time to pause.
Even Satan quoted Scripture in the wilderness — but Jesus countered with truth and context.
If someone uses God’s Word to silence, shame, or dominate, you’re not hearing the heart of Christ.

“The truth will set you free.” — John 8:32

(“Subtle Signs of Spiritual Abuse in Relationships”)


4. Prayer Restores Discernment

Sometimes, you can’t see clearly until you step away and pray.
Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal what’s really happening behind the confusion.
You’ll begin to sense whether the relationship is being spiritually tested or spiritually drained.
In stillness, clarity comes.

(Crosswalk – How to Pray Through Spiritual Warfare)


5. God Calls You to Freedom, Not Bondage

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” — Galatians 5:1

When a relationship keeps you trapped in fear, guilt, or manipulation, it’s not aligned with God’s design.
You were never meant to serve a love that requires losing your peace or your sense of self.
Healing starts when you surrender the situation back to Him and choose freedom over fear.

(BibleStudyTools – Finding Freedom in Christ)


Reflection: When God Uses Distance to Heal

Sometimes God separates what’s harming your spirit before He restores what’s meant for you.
Let Him do the refining. Let Him handle the truth.
And remember — the right kind of love never drains your soul; it restores it.

Is Your Marriage Under Spiritual Attack? 5 Biblical Clues You Might Miss


Introduction: When the Struggle Feels Bigger Than You

Every marriage faces hard days. But sometimes, what you’re fighting isn’t just personality differences — it’s something deeper.
You feel it in the heaviness, the confusion, the way small disagreements suddenly turn spiritual.
If peace feels out of reach no matter how hard you try, it might not just be conflict — it could be spiritual warfare.

Recognizing this helps you fight the right battle — together.


1. Peace Turns into Constant Tension

Arguments seem to come out of nowhere. What started as a small disagreement spirals into something much heavier.
That’s often how spiritual warfare operates — by stealing peace and sowing division.
Remember: “Where envy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice” (James 3:16).
Invite God’s peace back into the room before trying to fix the issue.

(Focus on the Family – Restoring Unity in Marriage)


2. Prayer Feels Difficult or Forced

When you try to pray together and feel distracted, distant, or even irritated, that’s a red flag.
Spiritual warfare often targets prayer first, because prayer is where intimacy with God — and with each other — begins.
Don’t give up. Even short, simple prayers can reclaim sacred ground.

(Outbound link suggestion: Desiring God – Fighting for Your Marriage in Prayer)


3. Miscommunication Becomes a Pattern

You say one thing, your spouse hears another — and the misunderstanding feels almost supernatural.
The enemy loves to twist words and intentions.
Slow down. Listen twice before speaking once. Clarity is a weapon against confusion.

(“7 Signs of Spiritual Warfare in a Relationship”)


4. Emotional Distance Replaces Connection

When you start to feel numb or indifferent toward each other, it’s more than fatigue — it’s a spiritual disconnect.
The enemy’s strategy is to divide hearts before he divides homes.
Fight for closeness by praying together, reading Scripture aloud, or even just sharing gratitude daily.


5. You Stop Seeing Each Other as Teammates

When your spouse starts to look like the enemy, remember — they’re not.
Ephesians 6 reminds us that our battle is “not against flesh and blood.”
Real strength in marriage comes from unity, humility, and forgiveness — even when it’s difficult.

(GotQuestions – Spiritual Warfare in Marriage)


Reflection: Fighting Together, Not Against Each Other

When couples recognize spiritual warfare, they stop blaming and start praying.
You are not powerless. You are loved, equipped, and protected.
Stand together in faith, speak life over each other, and remember — light always wins.

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Healing Through Storytelling: How Sharing Your Story Brings Light to Others


Introduction: The Power of Telling the Truth Out Loud

We carry stories inside of us — ones that ache to be told.
But for many of us, silence felt safer than honesty.
Maybe you were taught not to “make things bigger than they are.” Or maybe you believed no one would understand. Yet the moment you put words to pain, something shifts.
Light breaks in. Shame begins to loosen its grip. And suddenly, what once felt like defeat becomes the very place healing begins.

That’s the gift of storytelling — and it’s sacred.


1. Storytelling Names What Was Hidden

When pain goes unspoken, it festers. But when we tell our stories, we begin to name what has been hidden — not for pity, but for freedom.
Each sentence becomes an act of courage.
As Brene Brown reminds us, “Owning our story is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.”
And God honors truth. Scripture says, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)

(Psychology Today – Narrative Therapy and Healing)


2. Your Story Becomes a Bridge

What once isolated you can become a bridge for someone else.
When we speak honestly about our journeys — trauma, faith, or forgiveness — we remind others that they’re not alone.
That’s how community begins: one honest story at a time.

(Desiring God – How God Uses Our Stories)


3. Storytelling Invites God Into the Process

When we reflect on our story with Him, we start to see patterns — moments where He was present even when we couldn’t see it.
Writing becomes prayer. Reflection becomes revelation.
God doesn’t waste our words; He redeems them.


4. It Transforms Wounds into Witness

Pain tells us it’s over — but God turns endings into testimonies.
When we share what He’s brought us through, our words carry authority.
Someone else’s healing may begin because you dared to speak yours.


5. Your Voice Strengthens Others’ Faith

The enemy wants silence — God wants your voice.
When one person stands up and says, “This happened, but I’m still standing,” faith multiplies.
That’s what TOMFAW was built for — a place where stories of struggle become stories of grace.

(“Write Your Story | TOMFAW”)


Reflection: Sharing to Heal, Not to Impress

You don’t have to be a writer to share your story — just willing.
Maybe your words will appear in a journal, a letter, or a TOMFAW submission.
Each story whispered in honesty becomes a seed of healing, planted in someone else’s heart.
Tell it anyway.
The world needs your light.

(Medium – Stories of Healing and Faith)

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